this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
