dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
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I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
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Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
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