i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
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