Apparently you make a good broom.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
