Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Randomize
