Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize
