your thong is hanging out like whoa
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
He? As in you personified your dick?
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Randomize
