I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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