why didn't you poke me back
I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Randomize
