I bet he comes in French.
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
it hurts more in the daytime
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize