It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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