I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
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im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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