I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
