She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
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