If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
