dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize
