so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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