High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I touched a dick in church today
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
