i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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