I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
