You made me cry and you don't even care
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
