umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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