No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
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