i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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