I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
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