saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
