After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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