He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
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