9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Randomize
