Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
