Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
