I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
