You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
