I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
