we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
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I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
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Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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