well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He better not be in your backpack
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize