PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
