Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Randomize
