We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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