Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize