I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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