pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
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She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
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There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
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