There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
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