when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
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