How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
