I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
