Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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