Having a random hookup so left but love u
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
