she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize