i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Randomize
