I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
