i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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