My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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