i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
