He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Randomize
