no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
high people should be assigned attendants
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
