after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Randomize