Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
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Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
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I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.