I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize