In the future we'll all be gay
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.