if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
17 of the Dumbest Defenses Heard in Court
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
These 19 Ladies Love Pegging Their Men
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ