Ambien. No doubt about it.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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