I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
